MAHANA, YOU UGLY...The real Mahana is a very beautiful lady. 

No Bananas allowed on the boat!!!!!

Lately, I have been having moments when I think, my life really should be a TV show. I find myself in the oddest situations. My latest one involved 3 Hawaiian boys and myself (1 hoele girl)in a boat, 8 miles from shore with a staled engine. One of the men, Shane is deep deep Hawaiian. You have to pay attention and concentrate when this man speaks or you just not understand brah! It started on a rainy day when Rob called me and asked if I wanted to go fishing with them. I thought ,"I don't really want to be on a boat in the rain but I feel like something interesting is going to happen so I'm in."
We get to kahana bay and meet up with Van and his 3 little boys. Once we get on the boat, one fo the boys is screaming, " I dont' wat the sharks to get me. I don't want to go." But being the adventurous and spiritual adults that we were we said a prayer and then told the boy he would be alright. So we take off. And the boy keeps screaming so we turn around and take them back. We take off again. And we get to the same spot where we turned around about 10 minutes prior and the engine stales. We get it started and we turn around again. We get to the dock and Shane says he can fix it. I say maybe we shouldb't go because I think the spirit is trying to tell us something. He says, "Where is your faith, we said a prayer. we'll be o.k." So we take off. We get about 7 miles out and the GPS stops working so we don't even know where the boey is that we are trying to get to. But the iphone knows everything so we get started again in the right direction. And then the engine stales AGAIN. But we didn't know Shane wasn't able to fix it until he yells at Wes, "Shoot the flare before the helicopter goes by." By the time Wes finds the flare gun and him and Rob figure out to shoot it, the helicopter is long gone.
Shane then says, "well, call coastgaurd." and that is when we looked at each other and thought maybe we really did need some help. It was still daylight and out phones had reception, we had a radio so I wasn't scared. We then proceeded to have a conversation about whether or not the coast gaurd would charge us money if we called them. And if anyone really knew the number to call. 911? possibly but we didnt try. Who wants to pay to be saved...we pay enough taxes.. so we have a snack but while we are getting the lovely lunchables out of the cooler we find a bunch of bananas.
Now most of you won't know this but bananas on a boat in Hawaii is bad luck. No bananas are ever allowed on a boat. And I now firmly believe in this superstition. Shane gets the little motor to work and we head in to shore at a speed that is compariable to my swimming speed and I am a pretty fast swimmer. After about a mile or so Shane got the motor to start and we took off. And to my great surprise we were headed straight for a pod of dolphins. I leaned over the front of the boat and watched 6 dolphins raced right in front of us. I feel like I could have reached down and touched one of those little fins sticking out of the water. We played withthem for about 15 minutes. They were jumping all over the place. Racing in front of us and the sides of the boat. I was a little giddy school girl that couldn't stop screaming.

The next day I went scuba diving on the North Shore. A lady started to eat a banana and 3 of us started to tell her she can't have bananas on the boat. So she had to go put them in the car. I wasn't about to be stranded on a boat 2 days in a row.

Here is some info that I found about the myth of bananas
Back before fiberglass and powered boats the Hawaiian men would go out in dugout canoes and fish for weeks at a time. They would always take Bananas. Well it happens that the Bananas would rot about the same time they would get to far out to really catch any fish. So they associated bananas as bad luck.

Back in the days of the transatlantic crossings by wooden sailing ships many hazards would befall the captains, crew and passengers. Disease, pirates, shipwrecks, storms, etc., claimed the lives of a good percentage of the captains, crew and passengers attempting the dangerous voyage. Needless to say, a transatlantic crossing in the 17th and 18th centuries was a very risky endeavor. Often the vessels would stop along the way in tropical islands to gather provisions such as food and water. There the passengers and crew would often purchase wooden crates of bananas from the locals and bring them aboard the ship. These crates would have all manner of critters in them such as bugs, spiders, vermin and snakes. These critters would make their way into the bilges of the ships, multiply, and then find their way into the captain's quarters. The captains circulated the rumor that bananas were bad luck in an attempt to keep the critters off the ship and out of their cabin. The crew and passengers were more than eager to follow suit because of the inherent risk of the crossing. So, if the captain announced prior to the voyage that bananas were bad luck and not allowed aboard the vessel, everyone complied. You must remember that these were the days of burning witches and the like, so superstitions were taken very seriously.

Worst week ever- roommate trying to kill me

WORST WEEK EVER EXPLAINED

I’m writing this so that other people can be aware of people with mental illnesses. I don’t want to diminish my old roommate in any way, if she ever reads this, but I want to write this for my friends so they know what I went through. She said a lot of crazy things and I am just writing the basics. HT stands for the thoughts in my head while this is all happening because they are totally different than what I say out loud. .
Saturday morning. 7:30am I wake up to my roommate on the phone planning, what it seems like to me, a wedding? She isn’t engaged, dating, or seeing anyone that I know of. I just ignore it and try to go back to sleep.
2pm-I am on the couch watching tv and she sits next to me, starts talking on the phone again about how she broke up with her boyfriend. (HT: she is telling a lie. She isn’t dating anyone. ) I get in the shower and I am getting ready to go somewhere. I start to blow dry my hair and she comes up behind me
J: I’m getting married.
HT :Who is she getting married to? There is no way she is dating anyone. And she just told someone on the phone that she broke up with her boyfriend. How did she get back together with him in the short time that I was in the shower.
Hailey: Congratulations.
Sunday
5pm-I’m sitting on the couch talking on the phone. She comes half way down the stairs and stares at me. I keep talking on the phone but stare back at her to give her a chance to say anything. Nothing. She moves to the piano bench and continues to stare at me. Jen: Hailey, don’t go upstairs, ok? Just don’t go upstairs. Then she leaves the house. I immediately go upstairs to see why I wasn’t supposed to go up there.
Midnight- I walk in the house and see her laying on the ground spread eagle. She doesn’t move when I come in but I can only see the bottom half of her body until I look around the corner.
HT: She is dead.
I peak around the corner and only her eyes moves.
Hailey: Are you ok? Do you want me to call someone for you?
J: I need you to go upstairs,
HT: awkward
J: Can you please go upstairs and shut your door?
HT: more awkward
Hailey: Why? What are you doing?
J: just for a minute.
I go upstairs, shut my door and just listen to here making lots of noise. I have no idea what she was doing but I locked my door and was scared.
4:47am
J(while pounding on my door): Hailey wake up. I need you to come down stairs with me.
Hailey(while opening the door): Why? I don’t want to.
HT: why is she shaking her arms when she talks and why is she using a weird monotone voice?
J: I need you to go downstairs with me so that you can be a witness to the things that I have done tonight and the things that I am going to do . You need to be there so that I am not help accountable. These people aren’t keeping their promises that made in the pre-mortal life and it is stopping my progression.
She walks down the stairs and I walk half way down.
Hailey: Will you just let me call someone? The home teachers, the bishop, anyone.
J: If you don’t do what I need you to do, I will get a knife out of the drawer and kill you.
HT: How am I going to get away from here? I don’t even know anyone’s phone number in the ward. There was a Christmas card from the home teachers sitting right here. Where did I put it. It must have their numbers on it.
She walks over to the kitchen and I grab her arm. I pull her over to the couch and stand in the doorway to the kitchen.
Hailey: Just calm down. You are scaring me. Just tell me what these people did to you or why you are acting this way. I find the Christmas card from the home teachers. Just my luck, no phone number son it. Just a friendly, if you need any help give us a call.
J: Ok, I’ll tell you but will you say a prayer with me. Last night, when you saw me laying on the ground, I was being possessed and I was being enlightened on what I should do.
Hailey: Yep I’ll say a prayer but I want to say it.
HT: Is she possessed right now?
J: No I am going to say it and I want you to repeat it after me and I want you to kneel down with me.
Hailey: Nope, I won’t say it that way. I’ll say the prayer but I’m not kneeling down.
HT: Where can I run to? Can I make it to Josh’s house. It’s only a mile. Should I just run outside and start screaming for my neighbors to help me?
We argue about who and how the prayer is going to be said and she says she is going to kill me again. I start to say a prayer basically asking for help to feel the spirit so I can get our of this with out getting hurt.
J: (during the middle of my prayer) I need you to pray that you will be more humble and get rid of your pride so that you can understand that I am right.
Hailey: No
I end the prayer. She walks towards the kitchen,
J: I am going to get a knife and kill you now.
She walks toward the kitchen and I step in front of her and try to push her away.
Hailey: No you are not.
J: You need to go upstairs
Hailey: No you need to go upstairs.
HT: If I can get her upstairs to her room, then I can get into my room and grab my phone and keys.
Hailey: Fine, I’ll go upstairs.
She runs to the kitchen and I bolt up to my room and lock the door. Grab my phone and keys and as soon as I put on some slippers, I hear her trying to turn my doorknob. Then she continues to pound on my door. Running in to it. Basically trying to break it down.
Hailey yelling to 911: “My roommate has a knife and is trying to kill me. I’m locked in my bedroom and she is trying to break the door down to get in. “ She stops pounding on my door and I hear the garage door open. The operator stay on the phone with me until the cops tell me I am safe to come out of my room. The cops tell me I am safe to come out
HT: (as I open my door to see the cops pointing guns in every direction)Why does this kind of stuff happen to me? This is an image, I’m going to have the rest of my life. I can’t believe she tried to kill me.
5am The cops walked me to my car and then they got another call that a crazy lady was at Albertson’s. They called me later to tell me that she wasn’t mentally stable and they were taking to her the hospital for a minimum of 72 hours. So I moved all of my stuff out that night and the next day. I never want to hear her voice or see her again but I know it wasn’t really her so I don’t’ have any bitter feeling towards her . I really think that I was blessed that night. I’m always complaining about how I am a good person and why don’t I ever get blessings. But I really think that all my blessings were being held for that one moment of keeping the door locked. If she would have opened the door, there is no doubt that she would have killed me. Naturally, I am working through some trust issues and other issues that come along with such a traumatic event. But I am doing ok and she is getting the help that she has needed for so. I am just sorry that it took such an event for her to get the help she needed. Another thing I learned from this I that if a person threatens you, you can call 911 and they will take them away for 72 hours. So if you anyone around is acting very awkward and making up lies, call them out on it and get them mental help before they try to kill you.

Holiday quoted

Melanie:" I just feel like everyone is on Christmas card letter behavior."

Aric:"well grandma if you don't have a chimney, Santa has a magic stick that opens the door so that he can just come in. "

Dad: " let's fry the mash potatoes for breakfast "
Hailey: " I've never heard of that before"
Dad: "there is a lot of things in life you haven't seen "
Hailey:"I've been to 16 countries"
Dad( not knowing that Hailey responded to his last comment)
" you haven't tasted real mashed potatoes until you've tasted my grandma rollin's fried mashed potatoes"

Hailey: "I think dad loves football more than he loves me"
Mom with a quick response:"he does".